To the guy who can fuck himself

Today is one of them days that started off good but then an event happened and all you want to do is go to your bed, have a good cry, eat a shit ton of ice cream and then eventually fall asleep whilst watching a sad film and crying.

Some people might say that it is pathetic why I’m down all of the sudden but today happened something that happens to me quite frequently and something that is about something that I’m not happy about about my body.

Let me explain what happened:

So I had a group meeting with two of my friends for Uni. Whilst walking back from it with Maren (I have mentioned her before here, she’s like my best friend at Uni), we past some traffic lights. I think at this point we weren’t talking but I was just thinking about something that I had to do or we were just talking about. When some guy shouted out something out of a car window. Because I was deep in my thoughts I didn’t catch what he was saying, I only heard that Maren answered something inappropriate/rude. So I asked what he was just saying whilst they drove away. She told me that he just shouted out of the window: You’re fat.

Since they shouted it to us, it’s clear that he meant me. Because let’s face it, I’m not really skinny or thin and have quite a few pounds too much on me. He definitely didn’t mean Maren because she has a great physique and is very toned.

After this happened we popped to the food shop very quickly to get some stuff but it was weird. Like there was a weird feeling in the air after it happened, or at least I felt so.

On the one hand I hate myself for not catching what he was saying because I would have liked to say something back like: Better fat than ugly, or something like that.

But on the other hand, who the fuck gave this guy the right to shout something like this to a girl on the street you’ve never met in your life before? Have you ever thought that this person might have feelings and you can hurt someone by saying such nasty things?

As I said before being called fat or ugly isn’t the first time for me (here’s another example when I wrote about another twat calling me out being too fat (The one time I met an absolute twat), but it never happened in such a rude way. And I also know that something like this shouldn’t get to me because let’s face it the guy who shouted it was just an absolute twat and honestly I’m usually a very polite person and only want the best for everybody, but believe me when I say I don’t care if he would just break his leg or so. In fact that would be karma and the right thing to happen to him. Although I know that, it still got to me.

Like has he ever thought about that the person he just called out because of their weight might have some serious health problems? Like no matter what it is. So many people struggle with their weight because of health reasons, so no fucking person has the right to call someone else out because of their appearance. No matter if it is because they are very thin or because they are bigger. He clearly hasn’t thought about the fact that someone might have something like hypothyroidism or other medical conditions. A person might want to look thin but simply can’t because of a condition they have.

On the other hand someone could have a serious mental problem concerning their body. There are serious mental illnesses that a lot of people have, like bulimia, anorexia, obesity or in general all kind of eating disorders. Clearly a person like him has no fucking idea what such a nasty comment like his can do to the person he just shouted it to.

And normally that’s something I don’t talk about and only one of my friends knows about it but in fact I have had eating disorders in the past. To the point where I still have to track my food, just to make sure that I eat the right amount of things. I had to track my food for 4 or 5 years now and I have so many journals I have written and hid before. Like non of my friends or my family knows about this. Only my doctor. And I guess you now…

This guy and so many other people don’t have a fucking idea what the hell is going on in this peoples life so nor he or anybody else has a right to say a fucking thing about how anybody but himself/herself looks like.

Although I know all of these things it still messes with my head. It messes up with my head that much that I’m sitting here spending too much time thinking about what happened today and writing this blog post. When in fact he should be not even worth a second of my life. And it definitely didn’t help with the way I ate the rest of the day then and the next few days.

Always think about what you say to others. Such a small sentence can have an enormous impact on someone’s life without you even knowing it.

Lots of love,

Jenny

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The silent friend

In my friendship groups I’ve always been the weird and silent one, or the one who isn’t as comfortable as the rest. But lately I recognized this even more.

Don’t get me wrong I like my friends and I like to hang out with them, but sometimes to go out and meet them is very difficult for me. Let me explain why.

Since I was a little kid I was extremely shy and I absolutely hate to talk to strangers or people I barely know and sometimes even within my friendship group. Like for example yesterday I was out with some of my friends visiting a Street Food Festival. Sound awesome right? I mean what could you better do on a sunny Sunday than spent some time with your friends outside with awesome food?! And you’re right, there is barely anything that is better. Wouldn’t there be this weird feeling in my stomach and my head saying me how uncomfortable I am. We sat down on the grass, eating and talking, but for some reasons I can’t really join the conversations. I sit there and listen. I always do. Although a lot of times I would like to tell my little stories as well or say something. Instead I sit there and have this conversation in my head but never speak it out loud. I’m too afraid what they might say to it, or that it doesn’t fit the conversation or that people will make fun of what I’m saying. I’m too insecure about what people might say to what I said or react to it, that I stay silent instead.

A lot of times my friends even point that out. I remember one occasion extremely vividly. It was last year at a friends birthday party. He invited all from our friendship group around for just a chilled evening. We were about 12 or 14 people or so. When I arrived I made sure to sit right in the corner of the bed so I’m not in the spotlight or in the way. Everybody had a nice conversation about all kind of things. Once again I sat there, listening to what everyone was saying. When a friend of mine said: “All Jenny does is sit there in silent and doesn’t contribute anything. She only sometimes give a random fact and that’s it.” Knowing him, he did mean it with any bad intention but ever since it stuck with me. He is right. All I do is sit there say nothing the whole time because I’m too afraid to say anything or say anything wrong. But why? They’re my friends I should be comfortable joining the conversation, shouldn’t I? Even when someone asks me a question or says something to be/about me I immediately turn super red and just want it to stop and that people talk about something different.

I don’t know if this has to do with that I have a social anxiety or any other sort of mental illness/blockade, I only can say that recently I found it even harder than ever. And since my way of trying to solve a problem is to write about it, I thought it would be a good idea to write about it on here. Because ever since I met the other 3 girls I realized that I can be totally myself around them. They don’t judge me for anything I do, they only ever encouraged me in everything I do or want to do. So when we created this Blog I knew that this blog is my safe space. It’s a place where I can turn to when I don’t know where my head is any more and just write about it. There might be people out there who read this right now and realize ‘Hey I’m not the only one who feels like that’ or says ‘Hey there are other people out there who struggle with who they are and social interactions’. If there is even only one person out there who thinks like that I’m more than happy.

I think about topics like this it isn’t really spoken about and I’m really not okay with this. Growing up is a fucking hard thing and every single person struggles with all kind of different problems. Why can’t we talk about them and help each other grow?!

I really don’t know what I can do to be better in social interactions, all I know is even when I push myself to say something it doesn’t help. I still fell uncomfortable and shit in these situations and for some reasons I think that’s something that will never go away. I guess I have to learn just to live with it. Or maybe I don’t. If you know any tips please let me know in the comment section below or on our other social media:

instagram

twitter

Anyway, I think I’m going to watch some Netflix now because that’s how I can just forget about stuff like this.

I hope you have/had a wonderful day!!!
Lot of love,

Jenny xxx.

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Meeting new people as a shy person

Hello you beautiful people,

I’m very sorry that I haven’t posted anything in like forever. So I went back to my flat because I had to write an exam, studied for another one but the night before I decided not to write it because there would have been no point in it because I barely know anything about it, then I had to clean the whole flat massively (I tell you there is a lot of dust if you and you flatmate aren’t there for over 1 month!), I met up with some of my friends that I haven’t seen since we all went home to enjoy our holidays (well sort of enjoying them when you have to work the whole time) and lastly I had to pack because then I went on holidays in Scotland i.e. I’m annoying the shit out of Katie ;). And finally I’m back at Uni and today started the first week of the new Semester, so I have a regular days again.

But here it is finally:

Meeting new people as a shy person. As you might could have guess from this long into, I met new people when I was at Katies and as you also might could have guessed, I’m a shy person around new people. So I thought I’m going to share my tips and tricks when meeting new people and make everything a bit less awkward in trying to give you and myself a bit of a prep talk.

So, meeting new people is always awkward for everybody. One of my main issues is always that I feel that I’m making a fool out of myself when I meet people. Start with the introduction, how on earth are you greet them? Like with just a ‘Hello, nice to meet you, my name is Jenny.’, just hello, a wave and hello, handshakes, hugs, kisses on the cheeks, nothing at all????????? Like what on earth is appropriate???? You can see I always feel very secure right from the start.

If you finally got over the awkward introduction of 2 people try two different things from the above and kinda meet in the middle, which looks even weirder that you can imagine, what’s next? If its a group of people you meet do you just join in the conversation and pretend your friends friends are automatically your friends? Do you sit quietly in the corner and join in with some laughters and approval nods? Or do you sit there completely quite, trying to get as little attention as possible? What on earth is the right thing to do?

How much do you tell them about yourself? Just the things that are necessary? As much as you would tell any other friend? Sit in the corner and pretend you didn’t hear them ask you a question? A selected amount of facts and things about yourself? Sit in the corner, cry and ignore everybody?

And when you leave your friends friends again how do you say goodbye? Do you hug them as well as your friend does? Do you just stand there say bye? Wave again and say bye? Run away and never come back?

As time has told me, there is no need in questioning all these things. Everybody you will meet is different and you never can use a certain schema on everybody. It always depends on the situation and people you with and around. Like I met new people were it was totally fine that I hugged them when I met them and for some odd reasons we behaved like we have known each other for years. And then there have been situations where my only thought was ‘when I can leave again?’. I think in the end there is no difference if you are a shy person or not, meeting new people is always scary for everybody because you never know how well you get along with the other person and what it will be like talking to them.

Of course extroverted people usually struggle a little less with meeting new people because they are out-going and, most of the time, like to talk to new people. But who says that they don’t get a bit scared either?

I think the only real advise I can give to shy people, like myself, is not to try to hide behind your shyness. When I moved to England and University, I basically knew nobody there so somehow I had to make new friends and if you want to make friends you have to talk to people first. Yes, it was scary and definitely not easy but it showed me that even though I’m shy, I can meet new people and I can go up to others and talk to them as well as every other person can on this earth. Your shyness is a part of your personality but isn’t something that should determined who you are. You can go up to the employee in the supermarket and ask how much the avocados cost. I’m more than sure they will give you an answer. You want to talk to that girl on the other table because she looks nice? Go for it, introduce yourself and start some small talk or ask her if she would like to work with you on this group-work. You see somebody with the same fan-merch, go to this person and ask if they like them and for how long and what other musician, people or whatever in this area the person likes. I bet with you 99% of the time the person will start talking to you and talk to you about it and who knows maybe this is even the start of a great friendship?

Sometimes we just have to straighten our back, hold our head held high and tell ourselves that we can do that. We can go this new person and ask them the question we want to ask them. We can do more than we actual think!!! You can do more than you actual think!!!

So next time you meet new people, don’t be shy and hide yourself, try to be confident (or at least fake to be confident) and talk to them. If you achieved to do so once, I can guarantee you that next time it will be easier and after a while you won’t even think about it any more.

Go out there and conquer the world, lovely people!!!!

Lots of love,

Jenny xxx

 

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How not to fall into a back-to-school-blues

Hey you lovely person,

As school soon begins again or even has started for you already I thought I should write about some tips how you can avoid a post-holiday-blues or a back-to-school-blues. Okay maybe also because I only have less then 1 month left until I’m back at Uni myself and I need a pick-me-up to get not totally frustrated in how fast this time has flown by.

Tip 1: Your friends

Beside of be able to broaden your horizon, school is good for one more thing (or if you don’t like school like I did sometime, the only good thing): your friends.

These are the people who make school bear and actually fun. When you’re on holiday, sure you have fun times with your family exploring new cities, countries and cultures (even if that means you’re just visiting a different part of your country, damn are these people different to the ones you’re around usually). But having your friends around talking about the newest cute classmate, the new annoying teacher who takes her/his job way too serious or why did Holly cut her hair and dye it this awful colour? In my experience your friends are the ones who make your school-life fun, entertaining, bearable and also memorable. And after like 2 months off you have plenty to talk about, because let’s face it because of different plans and timings you’re never able to see all of them or as often as you would like to. So there is some major talk to catch up to.

Tip 2: Try to see the good in every subject

If you’re like me and you hate maths, physics, chemistry or whatever subject with a passion, it is extremely hard to keep awake whilst the lessons, homework are an absolute nightmare and I’m not even starting on revising for class-tests or exams. But every subject has some positive side as well, or these wouldn’t be subjects chosen by the government you should learn about.

Math for example, most students hate it and to be fair I still have no clue of most of the things I actually should know about in my dreams, but it also has some positive expects. Like you need to know how to sum up things if you’re at the supermarket and you need to know if you have enough money with you, as the poor uni student you are. Or you definitely need to calculate the sum of two matrices together on a daily basis in order to survive your day. Also don’t forget how important it is for you to know what happens if you put vinegar and baking soda together, one day you need to prank your sibling or your room mate and knowing the proportion is very important. You will be glad that you actually listen to your teacher for once. See Caspar Lee, he actually makes money with doing pranks on his old room mate.

So even though it is an absolute nightmare and you much rather would spend your time daydreaming about your current celebrity crush, it has some reasons why all these stupid subjects are chosen by the government. Who knows one day you might be at ‘Who wants to be a millionaire’ and you would only win the 1 Million question because you listened to your absolute boring teacher who also could be Albert Einstein judging by how you would guess his age. But hey at least he taught you something useful.

Tip 3: Soon there will be other holidays

School isn’t forever and sooner than you can think, you’re laying back in your bed all day, binge watching another series on Netfilx. School terms aren’t actually that long if you think of it.

Tip 4: Don’t leave everything till the last minute

If you’re like me and a major procrastinator you will leave ll your all your homework, projects, proposals and you have to stress about it all night whilst you try to finish it in time with a half decent outcome. Truth is, if you don’t leave everything to last minute, plan your work (and actually stick to your plan) school isn’t that stressful as you might think. After school there’s always a certain time which you should spent on doing things for school and if you would actually spent this time doing things for school and not play Sims or watch all PLL episodes from the beginning you actually should be able to get through the year without such stress and actually with quite decent marks. Also revising all the things you have done in school that day and re-reading the things from the day before will help you at the end of the year with your exams, because believe it or not but the human brain can only remember things if you revise everything again in the next day n the long-term.

But whom I am even kidding here, we all know that most pupil will binge-study and do everything at the last minute as usual and hope that it will turn out alright.

Tip 5: Don’t stress yourself too much

That’s what I always did. Each year I told myself: ‘Okay Jenny, this year you’re actually study for tests, you stick to your organization plan, write everything in exercise books and not on random pieces of paper which you’re actually losing in the end’. Well, as you might already guessed this lasted for liked 2 weeks and then everything was out the window. But truth is, deep down, I always knew that I could survive school with less stress and better marks if I would have actually done so. So don’t follow my paths and be as stupid as I was. Yeah sure, B’s and occasional A’s are good and you can get through with that to some Universities but hey, if you actually get you’re shit done and stick to your plans you can actually get A’s as a normal thing and then you can choose to which University you want to go or what job you would like to do and you aren’t limited because of your marks.

As I mentioned in Tip 4, if you do everything soon enough and you study every day you won’t even start stressing yourself about these things because your marks will improve and you don’t have to stress yourself too much that you have to do all nighters before your exams so you get good marks, so you actually have a slight chance to still be able to get into the college/ University you want to. And even though you get a bad mark, who cares?! Nobody is perfect and only because of one mark you don’t will end up living on the street with no perspective. A certain level of pushing yourself is good because then you can only develop the true potential of yourself, but don’t try to push yourself too much that you neglect your friends, family and your hobbies. These are there for a reason so your brain can rest and process all the information. In the end everything will turn out good. Look at me, even I was accepted at an University, so you will be too! 🙂

Lots of love,

Jenny

 

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How to procrastinate like a pro

Hello lovely people,

today is my turn again and since I’m a bit in a studying stress I though I write about the reason why I am in a stress: my best friend, procrastination!

I would consider myself as an absolute pro at procrastinate so I thought I share my knowledge with all of you and I can feel a bit less bad about myself! 🙂

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Tip number 1: YouTube

My best/worst thing I always do is spend hours on YouTube instead of actually revising. I mean watching all ThatcherJoe main channel videos and vlogs is something very important in life, right?! Finding new YouTuber which I obviously have to stalk first and then subscribe to and watch every single video of them or they appeared in. These are the essentials in life and make a great impression in my CV! Not everybody can write in their CV: Special Skills: Knowing every single YouTube video off by heart. My future boss must be impressed by that and ignore my bad grades, right?!

Tip number 2: Cleaning

When I started revising for my A-Levels back in the days, or now in University everybody always said that cleaning is becoming your best friend. I personally never was this person. I much rather laid in bed watching YouTube videos but this changed this semester. I was swept away by the hype. Somehow cleaning seemed very appealing and boy, my room was never as clean as it is at the moment.

Tip number 3: Baking

As you might know I’m a big lover of baking and this continued this semester. Learning or baking cookies for my girl night-in later in the evening? Baking a birthday cake or revising for my exam in 4 days, I guess the answer is clear… 😀 I mean I did something for my friends, right? It wasn’t wasting time at all, right? 😀

Tip number 4: Have a lay-in

I don’t know when you can study the best, but I definitely can in the morning between breakfast and lunch. So having a lay-in and only be able to study for like 2 hours before you actually make some food which is basically your lunch and then being absolutely unmotivated is a super tip. You definitely should try it, I can only recommend it!

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Tip number 5: Learning cards

Spend your time wisely for studying and make some studying cards is a good thing, right? Well, not if you waste your time writing them and then basically have no time anymore to actually learn them. Yeah sure you keep some things by just writing them but when you write your exam and have to know all the in-depth information in order to pass your exam just writing your cards isn’t helping really. But heyho, you can say you studied and it wasn’t your fault, right?

Tip number 6: Online shopping

What better then looking online for absolute unnecessary clothes, shoes, make-up, handbags, beddings and all kind of other stuff? I guess, if you actually should do other things there is something better then online shopping. I know this is shocking news but sadly also very true.

Tip number 7: Daydream

Once again one of my favs. Just sit in front of your papers, stare at them and imagine how life would be if your (celebrity) crush would actually know you or how life would be if you’re already finished University and you’re an independent, successful women in your job. Definitely is going to help you in your exams.

Tip number 8: Making lists

I’m an absolute sucker for notebooks and lists and I probably make more lists then Michael Clifford changes his hair. So starting a new list instead of studying is a brilliant idea. What about ‘What I should do during my holidays’ or sort out all your family and friend’s birthday and Christmas presents till 2030. Sounds like a magnificent plan to me.

 

Tip number 9: Make study breaks

Everyone needs study breaks, so you definitely should do them regularly. The only bad thing is if your breaks take like 2 hours but you only study for like an hour. You see the problem? Not really efficient but you can be annoyed at yourself soon enough. More specific the day before your exam when you ask yourself why on earth you’re so stupid and you do all the things mentioned above.

Tip number 10: Be annoyed

As I just mentioned there is this one time were you ask yourself why you have done all the things above and you get super annoyed at yourself. What you only realise right before bed is that once again you wasted a day by being annoyed at yourself or you tell yourself that now there’s no point in starting revising properly anyways.

These are my 10 top tips in how to become a top procrastinater. You only have to follow these steps and I’m sure you’re as good as me in no time.

But in all seriousness, don’t procrastinate! It’s stupid and only effects your marks, in which you could be so much better if you actually would stick to your studying-plan. So don’t procrastinate kids!!!

I’m off, trying to get as much information as possible in my little head last minute because somehow I need to remember 34 written pages (on computer) on Wednesday morning and so far I’m able of around 13. So wish me luck and that I don’t procrastinate as much anymore.

Lots of love,

Jenny xxx

 

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How to not work in a group

As I’m just writing now, I’m sitting in a group meeting of a project from Uni I have to hand in on Wednesday. This project contains of 4 groups. 2 groups who are filming a short film and 2 groups who are doing an interactive website (that’s basically where you can click on things and then you’re on a new page and there are videos and stuff like that). I’m in one of the website groups and during working on our project I realized a few things how you definitely shouldn’t work or do when you’re working in a group and people are depending on you.

1. Always do the tasks you’re asked in time

Currently we’re in our meeting since 7h and that’s only because the other group couldn’t be bothered to work on the things they should have done. So my groups is sitting there waiting for them to finish, what fun.

2. Always check everything with the others

During our preparation one of the other members of the other team changed things without asking us and there was one point where he basically changed nearly everything we have worked on a whole day. I guess I don’t have to mention that my group was pretty curious about it.

3. You’re a team, so work as well

To be honest my group has been pretty good with working equally on the project, but on the other group there is a member who basically never showed up to any meetings, never asked what she could do or if the others ordered her to do something she didn’t do it. And even now in our meeting she just sits there, isn’t asking what she could do or is helping in any form. Please don’t be one of these persons, they are the worst when it comes to working in a group.

4. Typical people working

You know there are always different people and especially when you’re working in a group you can see them perfectly, here are a few examples.

– someone who’s doing everything and doesn’t give other people a chance

– somebody who’s doing nothing and is never showing up

– the crazy one who’s always singing (shout-out to Maren, she made me write it! ;))

– someone who isn’t able to do the task but still tries

– someone who isn’t able to do the task but isn’t bothered

– the quiet one who has good ideas but never says something

– the one who’s always talking about other things

– the one who thinks knows everything but in real live doens’t

– someone who’s only showing up when the meeting is almost finished

– the one who’s always providing awesome food (shout-out to Selina! You’re the one!)

I’m sure you can come up with more, but since I’m a bit in a hurry because since friday to now my, honestly, whole life was either being in Uni or to work on the project. And when I came home at around like 10pm I wasn’t really motivated to do anything but go to my bed sit there with some sweets, trying to calm my nervs down, and catch up with all my friends and family who are super pissed because I haven’t answered the whole day.

I promise next weeks post is going to be longer.

Lots of love,

Jenny xxx

 

Marens Instagram (go and check her out, she’s amazing! and she didn’t made me write that :P)

Selinas Instagram + Blog  (go and check her out she makes the best food!!!!)

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