Girls dress for themselves

Heyy people 🙂

First of all I’m sorry for being absent for that long, I had severe writers block and was busy with uni stuff. Buuut here I am trying to be more on this blog again. So I hope you forgive me.

This post is about an issue I see to be confronted with quite often and which has always been bothering me. It’s the fact that a lot of males seem to believe that girls dress/wear make up to please them and to be liked by them. I know, I know the moral  should slowly become clear towards the end of a post but as I want to be very clear about this I’m just going to state it right at the beginning: We generally don’t. Dear boys I’m very sorry to disappoint you, but not every thing a girl does is about you. Shocking I know. Sit down a minute. Breathe. Have a sip of water. And then get of that fucking high horse.

You might wonder what caused me being so angry about that so I will share my personal experiences with that topic. Today I saw this social media post that was like : “oh yes she’s wearing red nailpolish now I want to hit on her….Said no guy ever”. As I couldn’t just swallow that I commented “Cute that guys still believe everything girls do is for them”. Someone actually answered me that In the end it actually is. I was furious. As if I wore nailpolish for random guys who a) probably don’t even notice it, because honestly I don’t think when you meet a girl, the first thing you look at are her nails and b) don’t even know a difference between scarlet and rose. So yeah probably fucking not. As you might already assume there are reasons this post made me so angry. As a girl you’re always told not to wear that much make up, or don’t wear your hair short, or don’t dress a certain way because “boys don’t like that”. On the other hand having certain characteristics are good because boys it. Sometimes when I had issues with my body not being super skinny even my Mum told me that it was okay “because men like women with curves”. It was also fine, that I have small breasts, as there are men who’s type I am like that. I never thought much about that until I became a feminist. One day after that I clarified that I didn’t give a damn what men think about my body because the only think that counts is what I think about it. I don’t need and will never need  approval for any parts of my body of any guy who has nothing to do with them. My mum looked at me surprised, but she understood. Not everyone seems to get that unfortunately. I dated a guy who used to tell me I would look better with shorter hair and explained to me in detail what kind of clothes I should wear to make myself more attractive to him and guys in general. It went so far he once told me, that I was lucky to be the height I am, because if I was taller less guys would want me. When I told him that I didn’t think it was my purpose on this earth to meet any guys expectations, he just stuck with his point and didn’t take me serious. I know that not all guys are like that, but I was honestly shocked and a bit disappointed in the male gender. That were the most remarkable moments I had with that issue, there were some more, but I think you understand why this post upset me so much. Of course I have to admit there are cases when girls dress up for boys. When you dress up for a date and wonder which dress he’d like on you. When you wear a certain jumper when you see your boyfriend, because you know he likes it and you make an effort to look pretty for him. When you have a  crush and you want him to notice you so you wear a flattering outfit. But seriously I don’t believe any girl gets up in the morning thinking “well what could I wear today what the boys out there would like” And nobody wears make up for a person who doesn’t even notice what you have in your face. Even in the cases where you could say girls dress up for guys, we always choose the things we feel pretty in and confident and like the best version of ourselves. So in reality it’s about that. We wear the things we feel good in and the things we like and we wear make up or don’t wear it because that’s the way we want to express yourself and feel like the motherfucking queens we are. And yes that has to do with how other people perceive us and of course it makes us feel good to hear compliments, but in the end it’s about us feeling comfortable in our skin. So boys if you ever think a girl chose that top with the big cleavage for your pleasure or is wearing those heels just so you think she’s sexy you’re probably wrong (and a self absorbed prick). She’s doing it because she knows she slays and SHE feels sexy in those clothes. And remember that ‘s all that matters. We don’t need your opinion on our bodies or style, so if we don’t ask please keep it to yourselves. And girls: Keep doing you. Don’t listen to men telling you what you should do and how you should look. Same for other women. You’re not living for anyone but yourself and you don’t need anyone’s approval for your personal choices.

That was my rant I hope you liked it. 🙂

Talk to you soon

Love Ally

Body Positivity Week: My experience with the Fashion Industry and Body Image

Good day you special Unicorn,

How are you? Qué Tal? Wie geht’s? Sava? I bet I wrote the french one wrong but who cares, am I right? This week is body positivity week, a theme week that I’m quite excited about as I think that there’s way too little done about the fact that most people don’t feel confident in their own skin. Which is, if you think about pretty damn sad because that skin you live in? Well it protects you from all the bacteria and germs in the air, it keeps your body functioning and if that’s not similar to a small wonderland then I’m not sure what is.
With my focus on this blog being on fashion and lifestyle I might have it a bit easier as you are all probably aware of the way our bodies are portrayed the wrong way in fashion and media.
Therefore, I’d like to talk a bit about my experience with body image and fashion.
But first, let’s cover some facts or general knowledge, whatever you want to call it. Just a quick disclaimer: In High School I held a presentation about Bulimia and Anorexia for psychology class, so if I can’t source anything, that’s because it’s been inside of my head for quite a while. Another disclaimer: I can’t promise that this Blog entry won’t be a trigger to some of you, so please if you’re not comfortable with topics such as body issues, eating disorders and the like, then be prepared. I linked eating disorder helplines at the end of this blog so feel free to scroll all the way down 🙂

Just as a start I want to point out that, according to the „National Association of Anorexia Nervosa and Associated Disorders“ at least 30 Million (!) people in the world suffer from some kinds of eating disorder (that includes Anorexia, Bulimia, certain binge eating disorders and obesity). Just let that sink in. 30 Million! If I’ve done my math correctly that’s 0.42% (I didn’t do the math I asked google, I mean I’m almost failing statistics 1…) and that might not sound a lot, but of all people? In that scale it does sound a whole lot.
Now I’m not saying that the fashion industry is responsible for destroying the body image of all these 30 Million people, you have to consider that there are so many reasons why someone can develop an eating disorder, but I will say that the fashion industry does play a huge part in how people, especially women (although the number of men who suffer from an ED is growing), perceive their bodies.
Now back to me, as I think it is easier to explain how I feel about the fashion industry and body image, as facts might be all fun and games but in the end you need someone you can relate to right? So I’ll try and be as honest as I can, without invading my privacy and without triggering any negativity, because after all I want to make clear that a change needs to happen and that after all we’re all diverse and all different because that’s just the fucking beauty of life! Don’t fight me on that one.

Since I was little, fashion and looking „pretty“ has always fascinated me. My mums’ uncle was a photographer and I grew up with seeing beautiful portfolio shots of her all around the house. My mum was quite the babe. She had millions of shoes and bags and loads of jewelry so I would of course sneak up into the bedroom and try on the most expensive necklaces I could find until she found out and well…gave me one of the necklaces as a present.
When I went into kindergarten my mum laid a huge emphasize on me dressing nicely and I found a liking to it. I will admit I was quite the tomboy but when it came to fashion I loved to experiment. One of my it-pieces were bright orange dungarees paired with a long sleeve in a super neon turquoise and a seahorse family on it. You see, my fashion sense has never been better.

As I grew up I loved looking at magazines and was just fascinated with all the fabrics and colors but then when I got to the age of 10 or 11 my focus went from the clothes to the models wearing the clothes. Somehow their hair looked always shinier than mine and their lips looked always a bit fuller. But instead of envying them I started to idolize them. I crafted collages out of advertisements I found and hung them up in my room, waking up every day to the sight of some model smiling at me or giving me that mysterious look.
Then with 13 I found a book series called „The Clique“ that I loved, I adored and I binge read. It was about a clique of 4 (later 5) girls, who all grow up in very priviledged surroundings in the Hamptons.

“The Pretty Committee” in their amazing designer clothes Source

Nothing special about that you may think, but oh no, those girls were known as „The Pretty Committee“, yup that’s correct. I bet many of you know about those books. They were always dressed in the newest designer clothes and reading about them dressing in Alice and Olivia or Ralph Lauren sparked my fascination with brands. Not only did they all wear those brands they also rated their outfits on a scale from 1 to 10. As all the girls I was friends with started reading the books and since they also had a movie coming out we started to rate our outfits as well. For a quite a while even. Every morning in school we’d look at our outfits and getting less than an 8.5 was a no-go. That’s basically when my obsession about my body really started. My friends always compared me to Alicia Rivera, the Latina of the clique with big boobs and that all the boys wanted. But to be honest my boobs were non existent and the only boy I ever really talked to was my brother or my dad. I did feel quite lucky though, when Alicia Rivera in the movie was cast as a girl my age, the other girls however, despite being around 12 in the book were portrayed by 15, 16 year old girls, who wore these amazing designer clothes and no matter what always looked flawless in them.
So to compete I soon started reading magazines like Glamour or Cosmopolitan, yes, also Teen Vogue but still, as a 13 year old? I think that’s way too early. I was just obsessed with the glamour that surrounded the fashion industry, everyone was pretty, everyone always looked good.
Don’t even get me started about the Victorias Secret Fashion Show that I also started watching at 14, if you ask me a really vulnerable state for a Teenage girl. My parents never really worried because well, I always played it off as a phase of me wanting to become a fashion designer, so duh! I had to know what was going on in the fashion industry.
What no one ever told me? That Photoshop existed, I do know now and I slowly start to realize that all these years I was basically brainwashed by the fashion industry.
I know that a change is being made, as more curvy models are used for advertisements but we’re still a long way from accepting every body type as the norm in this industry.

A 13 or 14 year old girl doesn’t look beyond the picture, at least I didn’t really. Well maybe I did but I shrugged it off and to me it was like, if you want to look like this you have to fucking work for it, and if you’re failing to look like this it’s your own fault. If they can look like this, you can as well. So of course I also wanted to wear the clothes they wore, but with 14 wearing something a 20 year old model is wearing, well of course it would look ridiculous.
Additionally I never thought about that it’s their job to look like this, they’re being paid for it. A VS model has a whole team supporting her to reach that body she needs to walk the show. Ignoring the fact that I am too small anyway, I never thought that I didn’t need to look like this cause it’s not my job after all. It’s just that no one ever told me.
I’m not blaming my parents for this cause they always tried to raise me as a self confident young girl and they always told me they loved me, but as a teenager you just don’t take this too seriously.
So when social media started to become big, I did check out those Pro Mia, Pro Ana and thinspo instagrams and tumblrs. I never understood why certain clothes didn’t look good on me and I blamed it on my body shape. I won’t go into detail but I needed some time to come to terms with my body and that my metabolism just works differently than the one of others. That my body is okay the way it is and that it has always been that way and that I cannot force it to change with drastic measures. That I need to learn to love my body and react to what my body thinks is good for me. That not every piece of clothing will look good on me because everybody is different. Therefore I needed some time to find out what suits me and what not but now I actually know pretty well what I can pull off and what not without hiding me or my body or changing my personality, because after all fashion is about having fun and experimenting, not about following the trends to look like the models in the magazine.

Source: Pinterest

I’m still a long long way from getting that perfectionist mindset out of my brain but I hope someday I’ll look into the mirror and be proud of my thighs touching, be proud that my boobs are a bit smaller, be proud that I have a big butt (and I cannot lie, you other brothers can’t deny…:D) and be proud that my body is functioning just right, that I can run up a hill without collapsing that I can pull off that bodycon dress cause it hugs my curves just right.
And whatever body shape you may have, there’s always something out there to wear for you, you don’t need to look like one of those models to look good in it. Just learn how to dress right for your body type and hopefully the rest will just come with it.
I am proud of you for being yourself, if you ever need someone to talk to please know that you can message us on our social media all day, every day.
Spread positivity and support people around you!
Loads and loads of love and positivity,
Lili xxx

Eating Disorder support and help:

US:
ANAD treating center partners
ANAD help and crisis line
Eating Disorder Hope Crisis and help line

Germany:
Beratungsangebote für Essstörungen von der BzgA

UK:
Eating Disorder Support
Beating Eating Disorders Helpline, separate ones for Adults and Teenagers

Australia:
National Eating Disorder Collaborations helpline

Canada:
Nedic helpline

International helplines

Castaway Minds Social Media:
Twitter: @castaway_minds
Instagram: @castawayminds

 

Featured Image: source

 

Katie’s Body positivity- Sports

As you have been introduced yesterday, we are doing a week about body positivity this week, inspired by buzzfeed. For me I was thinking about it a lot and what I could write about it that would fit within the area of politics and society and I then stumbled across sports.

For me sports have always played a big role in my life when I was really little I did Gymnastics, then I moved on to swimming and basketball and then at 10/11 I got stuck with Badminton and have played since then on a relatively high level in competitions. For me that has always been a confidence booster and being shy in school and feeling like you were being judged for your body in school made me a lot of times uncomfortable. However, when I went to my badminton club, that all never seemed to matter and it just counted how hard I worked and how well I played. It was an incredible confidence boost knowing there was something I could do reasonably well.

You may be asking yourself why I am telling you this, but I feel like often people are intimidated to do sports because of their bodies especially when they get past puberty. I had so many friends who stopped doing a sport they loved for reasons, often body image related.

For example, I had friends who were good at swimming and did it up to a high level very competitively, but they stopped because they were getting broad shoulders and muscly arms and as girls they didn’t like that because they had the images in their heads of girls having to be small and not a lot of muscles. Others stopped playing hockey, because their thighs were getting big. But it is not just with girls. I met boys who stopped sports because they weren’t “manly” enough and didn’t encourage them to have more muscles, so they would go to gyms instead giving up things they love. For me that is such a weird concept. I think muscles on girls are a good thing. I sure as hell love when you can see defined muscles, cause they kind of show that you have put in work and effort. Also, having to give up something you love just to fit into something that society tells you you should look like, just doesn’t seem right to me. Also not all guys have to be body builders or have a 6-pack. That is the same as having the ideal of 90-60-90 for girls, all people are different and especially all bodies look different and gain muscles differently. There is no point in trying to be anyone else and to try to be something that your body due to genetics cannot be.

Another thing about sports is for me the idea that to do sport you have to already be sporty. Like how? How am I supposed to get sporty/ be fit if I cannot do sports? I have had friends and I have had the feeling myself that because of my body I cannot do a certain sport (bathing suits terrify me). It is such a shame, because sports are something you are supposed to enjoy and being told that you shouldn’t do it because ‘there is something wobbly’ or ‘it’s not nice to look at’ should never be said to anyone. If you want to do sports: GOOD FOR YOU! YOU DO WHAT YOU WANT! What I also struggle with is fitness classes. There are a few that I would be interested in, but I am always afraid that I will look stupid or that I am not fit enough to take part. If you think about it, it is such a shame because you are missing out on so many great opportunities, just because you don’t feel confident enough in your body.
When I went to University and I saw that they offered so many different classes and Sports I thought about which other sports I could join aside from Badminton, but tbh I never had the confidents to join anything else because I am afraid that I am not good enough and I will make a fool our of myself.

Another reason people don’t feel good about themselves while doing sports is because they are unhappy how they look while doing it. A friend of mine doesn’t like doing Team sports because people can see her run and she thinks she looks when she does it. I know people who don’t like doing sports or going to the gym because they don’t feel confident enough to wear tight leggins or sleeveless shirts, shorts or don’t like sweating because it makes them look horrible.

If you do sports they are good for confidence Boosters and pushing yourself to reach small Targets can make you feel so much better about yourself. I have friends who have trained for a half marathon for half a year and when they then ran it and managed it, they were so happy with themselves. Sometimes even just getting to do regular exercises is a goal that can make you feel so much better about yourself or maybe just going for a run (I absolutely hate running, but when I push myself to do it I feel so much better about myself.)

Basically what I am trying to say is that stupid reasons and Body issues should not keep you from doing sports. Society should not have an impact on telling you what you can or cannot do in any matter of your life, but certainly not when it comes to sport. Sport should be something that you enjoy, not because you love sports in General necessarily, but because adrenaline is such an easy way to make yourself feel good about yourself and your body. Exercise should not be a pain that you have to do in order to be fit and being able to try whatever you fancy even if ‘you don’t have the body type’ should be possible no matter what. So whatever your size, shape or taste in sport: YOU ARE ABLE TO DO AND TRY WHATEVER YOU WANT. Screw what people think, screw what is supposed to be the norm, be yourself, gain your confidence through whatever you fancy! It is also such a good  way to meet people (other confidence booster for me) and helps you with Things like social skills, dicipline and learning about yourself, all things that will have a General Impact on how you think about yourself!

You rock!
Lots of Love,

Katie

 

[ Picture Source]