Dear 14 year-old-me,
Hi, how are you doing? I have been procrastinating a lot today and have watched a lot of interviews of celebrities, you probably haven’t even heard of. But one question that they always get is what would you tell your teenage self? What would you do differently growing up?
The second question is easier to answer. It is not that I don’t have any regrets about my childhood or teenage years, I think that would be very unusual if I don’t. Like I wish I would have been braver at times, I wish I would have trusted people more, I wish I would have been more confident. But all the things that happened to me and the way they happened to me lead me to where I am today and I am pretty happy with where I am.
Do I think you would be happy with where I am at now? Probably with most things and with some things you would be like :”What the hell, Katrin?”
You would be appalled by my excitement over business clothes and the wish to work in an office where I have to wear them. Considering you were trying to work out what you want to do based on to which profession you could wear jeans every day. I now own and wear dresses and feel good wearing them. I don’t feel like I am out of place or awkward in them.
You would be upset to know that I stopped playing badminton. You love it. It is your life because you feel at home there. Because you feel like you are worth something and like people around you support you. Trust me, when I stopped it didn’t feel like that for me anymore. There was pressure and drama. However, I didn’t need badminton anymore for the reasons you need it. I can gladly say I have friends, another sport and my classes where I feel safe and at home and accepted.
You would probably be confused by me living and loving living in the UK. Speaking English all day. No more French, though I want to re-learn it. And I actually see the appeal of the UK now. Even though you never really did.
You would be weirded out by my hair being really long and being curly. The frizz that you have now will turn into proper curls and go massive and then gradually decline again. But people seem to like it and I finally learned how to operate straighteners properly and can do a decent job with that too. Oh and I also wear makeup now and like it. I know, I know we always thought it was not necessary and didn’t know how to do it, but I am actually okay at it now and have fun putting it on.
Also back to the job thing. Well, do you remember when we first started to get the magazine geolino and were trying to figure out how to get a job that was helping kids like that. Well, my dear, this is what I am currently applying for. Who would have thought, right? But I think this is something you would actually be pretty happy with.
You’d probably disappointed by seeing that I am very, very far from having it all figured out although according to you I am probably ancient. But it is okay. We are getting there. Slowly. But looking around me and people my age, most of us are still trying to figure it all out and that is more than okay.
So what advice can I give you for the future. Well, hang in there. School will be over and you will get the friendships you wanted but didn’t really have. You will very soon have a fantastic year in Canada where you will do a lot of growing up and learning about yourself. Times will be tough sometimes and you will feel awful about everything in your life, but at that point you will have the right people to lean on when you need it the most. Try to learn to trust people and to be open. You don’t have to do it all alone. Just because you are needing help to get through something, it doesn’t mean you are weak. Telling people about things going on at home and letting go of the illusion that you have a great family life, does not take away from you as a person, it just allows you to share the burden and to make life a little easier for yourself. Stick to your reading because it is a great escape from everything around you. Enjoy music as much as you do, though you probably could improve your music taste a little. You got some good stuff going on there, focus on that, thanks. Enjoy being in school and being a teen as much as you can and try not to put pressure on yourself to achieve things or “milestones” of a teenager because you will realise that there aren’t actually those kind of “milestones” and everything happens when it is supposed to happen. You will be okay. Don’t listen to other people judging you or trying to give you their opinion on how you should be because you are more than okay.
Try something new every once in a while and try to let go. There is nothing wrong with failure, it is much worse to not try at all.
I love you,
Katie
castawayminds 