Girls dress for themselves

Heyy people 🙂

First of all I’m sorry for being absent for that long, I had severe writers block and was busy with uni stuff. Buuut here I am trying to be more on this blog again. So I hope you forgive me.

This post is about an issue I see to be confronted with quite often and which has always been bothering me. It’s the fact that a lot of males seem to believe that girls dress/wear make up to please them and to be liked by them. I know, I know the moral  should slowly become clear towards the end of a post but as I want to be very clear about this I’m just going to state it right at the beginning: We generally don’t. Dear boys I’m very sorry to disappoint you, but not every thing a girl does is about you. Shocking I know. Sit down a minute. Breathe. Have a sip of water. And then get of that fucking high horse.

You might wonder what caused me being so angry about that so I will share my personal experiences with that topic. Today I saw this social media post that was like : “oh yes she’s wearing red nailpolish now I want to hit on her….Said no guy ever”. As I couldn’t just swallow that I commented “Cute that guys still believe everything girls do is for them”. Someone actually answered me that In the end it actually is. I was furious. As if I wore nailpolish for random guys who a) probably don’t even notice it, because honestly I don’t think when you meet a girl, the first thing you look at are her nails and b) don’t even know a difference between scarlet and rose. So yeah probably fucking not. As you might already assume there are reasons this post made me so angry. As a girl you’re always told not to wear that much make up, or don’t wear your hair short, or don’t dress a certain way because “boys don’t like that”. On the other hand having certain characteristics are good because boys it. Sometimes when I had issues with my body not being super skinny even my Mum told me that it was okay “because men like women with curves”. It was also fine, that I have small breasts, as there are men who’s type I am like that. I never thought much about that until I became a feminist. One day after that I clarified that I didn’t give a damn what men think about my body because the only think that counts is what I think about it. I don’t need and will never need  approval for any parts of my body of any guy who has nothing to do with them. My mum looked at me surprised, but she understood. Not everyone seems to get that unfortunately. I dated a guy who used to tell me I would look better with shorter hair and explained to me in detail what kind of clothes I should wear to make myself more attractive to him and guys in general. It went so far he once told me, that I was lucky to be the height I am, because if I was taller less guys would want me. When I told him that I didn’t think it was my purpose on this earth to meet any guys expectations, he just stuck with his point and didn’t take me serious. I know that not all guys are like that, but I was honestly shocked and a bit disappointed in the male gender. That were the most remarkable moments I had with that issue, there were some more, but I think you understand why this post upset me so much. Of course I have to admit there are cases when girls dress up for boys. When you dress up for a date and wonder which dress he’d like on you. When you wear a certain jumper when you see your boyfriend, because you know he likes it and you make an effort to look pretty for him. When you have a  crush and you want him to notice you so you wear a flattering outfit. But seriously I don’t believe any girl gets up in the morning thinking “well what could I wear today what the boys out there would like” And nobody wears make up for a person who doesn’t even notice what you have in your face. Even in the cases where you could say girls dress up for guys, we always choose the things we feel pretty in and confident and like the best version of ourselves. So in reality it’s about that. We wear the things we feel good in and the things we like and we wear make up or don’t wear it because that’s the way we want to express yourself and feel like the motherfucking queens we are. And yes that has to do with how other people perceive us and of course it makes us feel good to hear compliments, but in the end it’s about us feeling comfortable in our skin. So boys if you ever think a girl chose that top with the big cleavage for your pleasure or is wearing those heels just so you think she’s sexy you’re probably wrong (and a self absorbed prick). She’s doing it because she knows she slays and SHE feels sexy in those clothes. And remember that ‘s all that matters. We don’t need your opinion on our bodies or style, so if we don’t ask please keep it to yourselves. And girls: Keep doing you. Don’t listen to men telling you what you should do and how you should look. Same for other women. You’re not living for anyone but yourself and you don’t need anyone’s approval for your personal choices.

That was my rant I hope you liked it. 🙂

Talk to you soon

Love Ally

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Negativity against homosexuals

I wanted to write about this topic for a while now because after I watched Troye Sivan’s ‘The Blue Neighbourhood Trilogy‘ I felt really inspired but also saddened. Of course the current events made me want to write it even more. (To read more about this topic check out Katie’s blog post).

So for all of you who aren’t familiar with Troye’s trilogy, it is 3 songs (Wild, Fools and Talk Me Down) where the music videos tells a short story. (Disclaimer: watch the videos first, because I’m going to describe them very shortly now and give away the ending!!!) The topic is about 2 friends who are friends since they are little chaps, eventually fall in love but then one of their father finds it out and forbids him to see the other again and even beats him up. He then wents out with a girlfriend as ‘a normal’ guy would. The two former lovers meet up at the father’s funeral and even then and afterwards he still pretends to be straight. It goes that far that he even commits suicide.

Troye screens a very serious topic there because worldwide gay people suffer with the problem of ignorance and hate towards their sexuality. Furthermore in 2014 “44% of young LGBT people have considered suicide” in the UK, according to a survey published on the BBC website.

We live in a society where you might think it’s okay and normal to live in a same-sex relationship without needing to worry about breaking the law or being hated but sadly this isn’t the case. There are still enough people out there who either aren’t accepting it because of a lack of knowledge or even worse, tolerance.

Everybody always stresses about that you should be the way you want to be and you should express yourself like how you want to be but in the end it’s a lot of talking but only a fair few amount is how you really can be.Even in our generation there is still hate for gay people. Like I grew up in a rural area and I could name at least 5 people from my class in primary school where I’m 100% sure that if I’d ask them what their opinion on gay people or even gay marriage is, they wouldn’t answer with a friendly and accepting answer. And this hasn’t to do with a lack of education. I think most of them finished High School and even a guy I know here in Uni is always saying disrespectful things about gay people (don’t need to mention that I kinda lost hope for them all).

When the USA legalized gay marriage it was a huge step into the right direction but what we forget that beside Canada the US is one of the few countries where same-sex marriage is equal to a ‘usual’ marriage. Here in Germany for example gay people can’t marry. They can ‘verpartnern’ as it is called in German which is basically to live in a domestic partnership. And also in the UK same-sex marriage is only legal since 2014. Everybody always claims that equalizing gay couples is very important but in reality the world is far away from equalizing.

I got remained of that when I watched Troye’s videos. People still get hate because they love a person of the same sex, which for me, growing up in the 90’s and 00’s, is absolute bizarre. We live in the 21st century and it’s truly makes me sad and mad that people need to hide their sexuality, get hate for it, can’t live their lives as they want it to live it or even get killed for it like they have been in Orlando or still in a lot of countries around the world.

For me, living in a western country, it is normal that people can walk down the street holding hands or kissing despite their gender but in so many other countries this isn’t normal and this is something we also need to be remained of. These people would be so much happier if they could walk around in public with their lovers or even could live in a domestic partnership. I kinda think that we in the western countries show some neglect of this. We’re all always want to safe the world and make it a better place but we concentrate that much on the western countries that we forget the many countries where it is forbidden and you can even be sent to prison for being gay or even be killed for it.

A close friend of mine told me and some friends that she is gay and despite me already thinking so, she was scared of telling us because she didn’t know if we would accept her and still see her in the same way we have before she told us. For me it’s crazy because obviously I don’t see her in a different way but for her even needing to worry about it makes me sad. There are also only a few people who knows so because she’s worried what other people in her surrounding would think about it. In situations like this I think about Troy’s songs again. People not excepting that opening up about your sexuality isn’t such a big of a deal. And even I got hate before even though I’m not gay. I don’t know about you but I’m pretty chilled with kissing girls and I think all of us girls have at least kissed one other girlfriend, haven’t we? When I still lived in England I was in a club with some friends and we kinda started giving each other peeks on the lips in a friendship banter. People around us looked at us all the time plus even one person I knew back then started ignoring me and even stopped greeting me when I saw her on the street. This to me is a behaviour I just can’t understand. I mean my friends and I were just messing around and reacting like it’s such a big of a deal is ridiculous to me, even reacting to it is something I can’t understand. We weren’t such good friends that she would have known my sexuality, so ignoring me for kissing another girl is just stupid to me.

I’m glad Troye Sivan made this trilogy to make people aware that this issue is still relevant and from my own experience, the examples I shared with you, prove that it still has relevance in our every day life.

Be open and not only try but make the world a better place, starting with accepting people the way there are!

Lots of love,

Jenny

 

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Entering New Social Groups

I just started an internship in a large project management firm back in Germany and I am not going to lie, one of my biggest worry before I started was, what should I wear? How would I not stand out, how would I fit in? It was hard especially because I didn’t know the place and what everyone else was going to wear, plus, yeah I wanted to fit in but not for any price, I wanted to still feel comfortable and for me being someone who has not the best relationship with dresses and owns barely any blouses it was a complicated decision (I know it is stupid, but I am sure you have all been there at some point!)

Same with my hair, I was worried in a way that because my hair is usually quite curly and gingery, so in Germany I stick out like I had people on the street mention it to me and stuff, but going into a new working environment where I am a simple intern I was afraid of sticking out too much, to draw too much attention to me. Why? I don’t really know.

I think for me sticking out and being memorable can be really good things, but as I was also worried whether they had high expectations of my knowledge and abilities, that if I am sticking out I would struggle more. Also meeting new people yes being memorable is generally a good thing but I, personally, hate sticking out when you come into a place where everyone else knows each other, but you barely know the social structures within that group and I feel that if you seem too confident and too individualistic it can be much harder to fit in in some groups, which sucks.

Luckily, it all worked out and the people I work with are super nice and I certainly overdressed on my first day, but I’d rather have it that way than the other way around. But it made me wonder, why do we fear sticking out too much when we come into an existing social structure. I mean I can only speak for myself, but I hope some of you can relate to it. When I am meeting a group of people and no one has known each other before I don’t mind being loud and talkative and to take the lead, but in existing groups I sometimes struggle finding my place quickly enough before I get put into a category and then I go really quiet and I will be afraid to break out of that box and to potentially be made fun of, to be found irritating or to face criticism. Which, again, I know is ridiculous.

The reason I am telling you all this is to ask you to take a chance with me, to be yourself from the beginning no matter how scary it may be, to show the world your true potential. It is a shame that the fear of sticking out may hold us back and prevents us from showing the world, or even just some employer, what you can really do. Yes, of course there are norms and rules you need to follow, but I am currently learning that within these structures there is still a lot of room for each of us to prosper and to find our place. Also everyone was in our situation before and they will understand and for some of them it might not have been that long ago. ( Most of my superiors are barely 10 years older than me, I am sure they still remember and I think that is why they are able to make me feel so welcome). In the end Aristotle already knew what I, and you guys, will have to take to heart at some point in my/ our life/lives: ‘There is only one way to avoid criticism: Do nothing, say nothing and be nothing’ and what I definitely know is that I don’t want to do nothing, say nothing and be nothing. I want to grow, learn and become the best me I can be and I can only do that by facing criticism and not being afraid to stick out!

So happy facing criticism and standing out, because you are all incredibly awesome human beings!

Lots of Love,

Katie

 

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A typical family

Growing up around me I only had what is probably seen as the traditional family: mother, father children. May it be my grandparents, my parents or aunts or uncles it was always quite the same. For me that was normal and that is still what I want, but in our society today, we are so lucky that we have more choices and possibilities and that the image of families is changing. We get to chose what kind of life we want, but also that it is okay if life doesn’t always work out the way it should by traditional societal norms and that we can still somehow make it work and be a family.

I don’t think that there is a typical family in that sense anymore, society has changed and our lifestyles have changed. While for my grandparents it was so normal to find a partner and live with them forever, my parents generation has already changed. For example, my great-aunt and her husband for decades have not gotten along and he is, you know, the crazy uncle who doesn’t get invite anymore and even his children do not want anything to do with him, but because it is so engrained that they can’t get divorced, they are still married. While their daughter has been divorced and remarried.

Now, with at about 50% divorce rate there are a lot of people who don’t live in those traditional families anymore. I know so many people that have stepparents and -siblings and I remember that when I was 10 I had a lot of friends that got a half-siblings, because their parents had new boyfriends/girlfriends/husbands/wives. And now I feel like there is some kind if second wave with parents getting divorced/ separating when all their children have moved out. There are quite a lot of my friends where this has happened over the last couple of years and the same with my parents. So yeah if you look around you have quite a few patchwork families, for example my dad’s new girlfriend has a son that kind of belongs to our family now as well.

Another thing that has changed is the not necessarily having to get married when you get pregnant. My mom’s goddaughter got pregnant at 25 and despite all that and her being with a steady boyfriend she does not want to get married. It is her choice and it doesn’t really matter does it? As a child you see your parents together and in the end a piece of paper doesn’t make them any less or more your parents.

There are more “international” families, with children growing up bilingual or multilingual and with dual citizenships and it’s awesome. I mean through the whole globalisation moving across the globe becomes easier and happens more often, people stay in countries for some time but then move again some have jobs for a specific time and of course you create your own life when you are somewhere else. Let’s look at my mom’s goddaughter again, her dad is American and he came to Germany to study and he and her mom got together had her got married and he stayed in Germany. Anna and her siblings all grew up bilingual and I think it is such an advantage. Being able to learn two languages so well when you are young is amazing and makes life so much easier later in life.

There are single parents out there who do an incredible job and despite not being the traditional image of a family, they are still that to their children. Whether it is because the spouse died or getting divorced or for whatever reason it happens and it is more normal. For this I want to take my host mom as an example, she has a demanding job and a little girl and she is doing her best. The girl loves her and the two of them are super close and it is amazing how she manages her life. Yeah their immediate family might be small, but they love each other and are a family nonetheless.

Having children when you’re older. While it used to be so normal to get married relatively young and then have children basically straight away, it is now more usual to wait until you are a bit older. Like my grandmas were in their early 20s when they had their first child while my mom was in her late 20s and now it is basically the norm in the early 30, but then again looking at my host mom she had her first child at 38 and even that isn’t that unusual anymore. Life is changing and women want to have careers as well and there is always the question of being able to afford it and making it work, but I think it is nice that now it is becoming more usual to have a career and children, even if that happens a bit later.

With the average age moving backwards people start to frown now if you are having children when you’re quite young. People asking whether they feel ready for it or if they don’t want to get an education first and things like that. But there are situations that are different. A girl that I know had her child when she had just turned 20 and people asked her how she could do that. But she had done a formation and was in a steady job, same as her boyfriend. They were already living together and basically had their life settled in a way, so that they were in a completely different stage of their life than I was at 20. It so depends on where you are at in your life to make such a decision and no one deserves to be judged for theirs.

There is a larger acceptance of gay couples all around, with gay marriage and adoption rights becoming more popular all over the world. I think it is great that everyone gets the chance to chose to live the life they want no matter what they may be. What I don’t get is why some countries (including Germany) make it so hard for gay couples to adopt children. I think it is great, because it is a step that is well thought through for couples and when they decide that they want a child, they will love it and care for it and it would definitely be better for a child than to live in a foster system or group home and those children will probably be more tolerant than most other people will be.

Relating to this I want to mention fostering and adopting, despite it always being around I think it is a great thing. I want to adopt at some point, just because it means giving someone a home and someone to rely on. My dad’s cousin is fostering a child because she cannot have children and he is the most gorgeous child around. She and her husband love him so much and care for him. The child was neglected when he was younger and to think that he now has a home where he is properly looked after is an incredible thing.

There are plenty of people deciding to have no children at all for career reasons or not being able to have children or simply not wanting to be parents. And that should always be a fair choice. No one should be forced by society to do something they do not want to do. Life is all about making your own choices and not to make others happy.

There are people who chose to stay single. I know that there are people who do not chose it, but there are people who do not want to get married or be in a long-term relationship and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. I mean sometimes that seems so much easier and I could also quite well see myself with 10 dogs living a happy life. I mean whatever you do it should be your decision.

I guess why I wanted to write this is thinking about the future and by worrying way too much about everything and hoping to figure it all out and plan everything to make sure it is all going to be perfect. I know I cannot control things and I guess I wrote this article to remind myself that it is going to be okay, that you do not have to have a perfect standard life and have a traditional lifestyle when it comes to family. Looking at these examples from my life and the others that you see in films, books and the news, it is inspiring to see how much is possible today and that we are not based on our choices “branded” by society and therefore have the chance to find our way whichever way we want.

There are big families, small families and everything in between. Whether children are biologically conceived, artificially conceived, brought to a family after they are born or there are no children at all, it all doesn’t matter. Making these choices doesn’t make anyone a better or worse person. I am so grateful that we do not have to fit into a certain category anymore and have to fulfil certain criteria like maybe our grandparents still had to.

I still would like to have a traditional family and compared to most of my friends I would like to have many kids, but being an AuPair and hearing so many stories from friends, having separated parents, I know that life doesn’t always work that way, but it will still be okay and somehow that is very comforting.

 

Lots of love,

Katie

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