Hello wonderful people of this world,
today’s Sunday Funday is a Storytime and I want to write about a little more serious topic. I want to write to you about two stories of where really good friends kinda stopped any contact or ignored me.
Going back to June 2014, I just graduated and coming along with that my friends and I all had different plans. In school it always has been this friendship-group of 4 of us. We sat together in first row (yes, I’m boring like this), did everything in our lunch breaks together, fought against teachers and we met up in our spare-time as much as we could. When it came to our plans after we graduated all of us had different plans. One of my friends (let’s name her Kate) went to America as an Au-Pair, another one (let’s name her Fae) did a federal volunteer service as well as Krissi (although in different cities and institutions) and as you all know I went to England as an Au-Pair as well as Kate.
So keeping in contact seems a bit hard because Kate and I went to different countries but surprisingly we didn’t had any problems in keeping in contact, thanks to social media. The one who struggled with it was Fae. She always was the person who took ages to answer any messages and the one who didn’t really write you, unless you wrote her. But this time it was completely different. I tried to contact her but rarely got any answers and Krissi and her were even planned to meet one weekend but since she didn’t replayed at all, even this meeting was cancelled. Since this day non of us actually have heard anything from her. She’s still alive, don’t worry about that, she just happens to rather not stay in touch with us anymore.
I mean that’s fair enough and people change so growing out of friendships is totally normal but the thing that bothers me is that she just didn’t replay to any of our messages. Like nothing. Just have the guts to tell us at least, this way we would have known that you just don’t want to be friends with us anymore and you grew out of the friendship. But this way non of us had a clue what went on and what’s up with her.
This story kinda repeated itself when I was in England. In December I became very very close friends with a fellow Au-Pair, let’s call her Anna. We basically did everything together until we left. We were in the same college class, our host children went to the same school and even our weekends and in general freetime we spent together doing all sort of things. Once again she isn’t a person who’s good with replaying, so when we were back in Germany I, at first, understood that she isn‘t replaying straight away but after like 2 weeks of not replaying I started worrying. Especially because I messaged her on Whatsapp and could see that she didn’t even clicked on my message but was online since I wrote her.
Once again, if she would have told me straight away that she doesn’t want to be friends with me anymore since we’re back in Germany, fair enough. I mean it would have hurt, sicne she knew a lot about me which I don’t tell everybody plus we became in general very good friends, but it would have been okay. But this way, just ignoring one, never call, write or skype, just hurts. The only uplifting fact about this is, that I know from other good friends that she isn’t replaying to them either, so she basically just shuts out everybody she met in England.
This is only a little relief, because she still isn’t in contact with me anymore, although I wish we would.
What I want to tell you guys with these two stories is, that although you could be best friends with somebody, sometimes you grow apart. Sometimes this happens slowly and without any notice and sometimes it’s within a heartbeat.
Any advise I have for this case? Not really to be honest. I can only advise to accept the other persons decision and go on from there. You can’t change the persons mind and you have to make the best of the situation. Sure this isn’t easy for you and you will lay in bed late at night and ask yourself what you have done wrong in the friendship but truth is, you haven’t done much wrong. With situations like I have been in, it’s just that the people are too busy with their new lives and all the life changes that come along with it that they are not aware of how they behave and that they loose other friendships to this.
If you live close I can advise you to go and speak to the person and ask why they have shut you out, but if you’re in a situation like me and you live far away, just accept it and go with it. If you‘re bitch-around and confront them and be mad at them it won’t change their behaviour either. It hurts but sadly there is no other way then accept it.
I hope you guys never have to be in a situation like this and you and your friends are all happy and safe and sound.
Lot’s of love,